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Dirty Wasted Thursday Redux (NSFW)

As I climbed the stairs, a booming scratchy voice echoed off the walls “Welcome – you bitches and bastards – to Dirty Wasted Thursday’s Catholic Schoolgirl Night! Every woman here gets to spin the wheel for a chance to win a sex toy, a free drink, or a raffle ticket! Any lovely lady dressed as a schoolgirl gets TWO spins! Guys, you don’t get to do shit because no one’s here to see your nasty asses,” Mike Hans – dressed as Mother Michael – was up on stage, engaging the crowd of onlookers in host-like fashion.

I had never been to a Mike Hans event before, but I’d heard they were the stuff of legend. I’ve been kicking myself for missing the Just Some Block Party thrown by the Lost 18 crew in August. So far, this Thursday was looking pretty good.

“This also happens to be our anniversary show, if you can believe we’ve been getting away with this shit for four years now,” Mother Michael said, “Now let’s get some ladies up here to try and win some sex toys!”

I pushed Sweet T up towards the wheel in hopes that she’d win a sex toy. She passed a girl who had just won some sort of anal bead contraption, and I saw Sweet T give the wheel a hopeful spin – only to be disappointed. She only won a raffle ticket for a chance to win a prize later. We were both rooting for a dildo or a buzzing bullet or something that goes ZZZzzzzZZZZzzzz in the night.

“I’m sorry. I failed us babe,” Sweet T said dejectedly.

“Don’t worry,” a familiar voice whispered in my ear from the shadows, “when I win this thing tonight, I’ll give you guys a sex toy for sure,”

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I spit beer all over myself as I looked over to find that Kingpin was here, dressed in full schoolgirl attire. I’m talking the works: wig, Britney Spears style skirt and a skimpy white button-up shirt knotted so as to reveal the voluptuous chest of any member of the fairer sex. This was no voluptuous body and this was not the fairer sex; this was like the nightmare Venus de Milo.

“You think you’ll take it?” I said, referring to the Catholic School Girl competition being held later.

“Oh, I’ll win,” Kingpin said, “You mark my words. I can feel it,”

Dear god in heaven I hoped he wasn’t right. I came here to watch girls take off their clothes, not Kingpin. If I wanted to see that all I had to do was call him anytime I wanted. I finished off my beer and headed towards the bar trying to forget the image of Kingpin in a skirt as Mother Michael announced that the eighth sex toy had just been given away. God dammit. If I couldn’t spin the wheel to try and win a prize myself I was going to at least cop a buzz, but I was blocked by a throng of people crowding the bar.

“And now, we’re doing another BODY SHOTTTTTT! Get up here ladies and drink booze out of the nooks and crannies of your friends!” Mother Michael was omnipresent in his ability to get women to behave in dirty wasted behavior.

“Jesus, this guy never quits,” I said out loud to no one.

“Shut up and watch these hot girls lap booze out of each other’s navels,” Sweet T said to me as she snapped a shot of the girls up on the bar being doused with whiskey.

They cleared and I hurriedly ordered another City Wide, not wanting to miss any of the action currently taking place. Girls – dressed in every old man’s fantasy outfit – slowly removed layer after layer of costumes that weren’t exactly modest to begin with. Black girls, Hispanic girls, Asian girls, White girls, Blondes, Brunettes; there was every color of the Catholic Rainbow right there on stage literally throwing clothes at us.

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No I mean literally – suddenly someone flung a shirt into the crowd where it landed over Sweet T’s face and camera. I plucked it off of her and handed it to a pair of outstretched arms, hopeful that the shirt would find its rightful owner. Sweet T kept snapping her camera with the vigor of a teenage boy in the midst of his own bodily discovery. It doesn’t matter what sex or sexual orientation you are, it would seem that there is nothing more captivating than watching a hot girl take off her clothes for money.

Body shot after body shot was poured while the girls stripped and accepted tips in snapped thong straps, and after a few drinks I suddenly remembered that there was still a whole contest that we had yet to see.

“Alright you bitches and bastards,” Mother Michael said as if reading my thoughts, “if you can refrain from ogling all these lovely ladies for a few minutes, we’ll get this Catholic School Girl contest started!”

The crowd erupted in cheers as all willing participants clad in their Sunday-school best lined up besides the stage and awaited their turn to dance for the prize. What was the prize, you ask? A bucked FILLED with cash and sex toys totaling over a hundred dollars in worth.

“Alright, calm down you heathens. Who wants to go first?”

A meaty, hair-covered arm shot up into the air. It was Kingpin, volunteering himself as tribute.

“Yeahhhh, we better get this out of the way. Get your hairy ass up here,” Mother Michael said as Kingpin sauntered on stage. He began to shake his ass and undo his shirt.

“Jesus somebody check the weight limit for the stage! Between the two of us we’re about to break this fucking thing!” Mother Michael said, signaling for us to cheer our satisfaction with this horny schoolgirl’s Dirty Wasted dance routine. The roar of approval for the exposed chest of a giant hairy man in girl’s clothing was both deafening and troubling.

After Kingpin, girl after girl jumped on stage in an attempt to out-shock the last performer, until only three groups remained; two pairs of girls – who were wearing next to nothing and were willing to touch each other in places that no devout Catholic girl would dare to touch on another woman – and Kingpin. All three groups performed and, despite great tits, respect tape, some girl-on-girl action, and a titty harness, somehow Kingpin’s cheers miraculously remained the loudest.

“Jesus Christ, really people?!” Mother Michael said incredulously, “How could you let this guy win?!”
Kingpin raised his arms in victory and bowed on stage for us as all the girls got back up on the plinth to continue taking off their clothes.
“Alright you dirty bastard,” Mother Michael said to Kingpin as he walked away, “go get your sex toys, and for the love of all that is holy I hope to Christ you never grace my stage again!”

The bottom line:
Laden with plenty of babes and twice as many boobs, Dirty Wasted Thursday is the perfect place for any amateur exhibitionist to throw on some respect tape and act on those urges in a safe and super-friendly environment. For me, Dirty Wasted Thursday seems just like the perfect way to resurrect my long-dead affection for drinking booze on Thursday nights. Just don’t expect to be feeling up to snuff for work the next morning – I should have called out and I didn’t, but I won’t make that mistake twice. Come to this event whenever possible; it’s worth it – and I made Kingpin promise that he’ll never don his Catholic School Girl outfit ever again.
God bless Mother Michael.

See the original write up by Jayne Doe HERE.

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