“YOU DONE F*CKED UP!!” yelled Skinny Pete as he stumbled out of Teri’s Diner, pointing an accusatory finger my way. Kingpin trailed shortly behind, carefully trying to find the most stable object to prop himself up against. “See this pole right here? This pole is my friendddd,” slurred Kingpin slowly, yet confidently, as he grasped the pole for dear life. It was only noon, but from my understanding, they’d already indulged in quite a few breakfast shots and several mimosas.
I arrived in style with one of the fabulous performing queens, Miss Scarlett Bleu. I may have been running a little late, but I didn’t see what the big deal was. “Guys, I’m ONLY an hour late,” I said. Miss Scarlett Bleu turned to them and shook her finger. “This is proper drag etiquette, fashionably late,” she quipped. Didn’t Pete and Kingpin know that getting this fabulous and still managing to arrive on time was pretty much impossible?
“What exactly did we get ourselves into here, Jayne?” questioned Skinny Pete, looking rather curious. “Well, you’re about to get the best midday drag show you’ve seen in your life, with a side of brunch and unlimited drinks!” I paused and stared at Kingpin who was still gripping the pole. “Buuuuuut, I see you guys have managed to figure out the unlimited drinks thing already,” I said with a laugh.
Several drinks and a few shots later, I was all caught up and the show was ready to begin. The queens flocked to the DJ booth, waiting anxiously for their chance to perform. We hurried to grab a booth and packed in like sardines. Kingpin double fisted coffee in a desperate attempt to sober up. “Ruzzle! Bitch, coffee, sobbbbberrrrr up time,” mumbled Kingpin.
WHAAACK!!! A loud crackle filled the air as Skinny Pete slapped Kingpin’s face.
“WAKE UP BROTHER!!!” Pete yelled while shaking him in circles.
Kingpin’s eyes shot open, he seemed suddenly sober and alert. “Let’s get this show moving!!!” shouted Kingpin with a giant smile.
“You’re both so damn weird, but I love you anyway!” I said while giving them both simultaneous high-fives.
“ARE YOU READY TO GET THIS DRAG BRUNCH STARTED?!? CAN I HEAR YOU SCREAM!?” yelled the head queen, Mercedes Monroe Cassadine, enthusiastically. A loud squeal from the microphone made whoever wasn’t paying attention jump to alert.
Several wahs, woos, and yeaaaahs later and the drag show was in full swing. Mercedes didn’t give a damn if a Drag Brunch at Teri’s was the most unconventional thing since, well, drag shows. She danced up and down the aisle earning every dollar that was dished out. For a second I thought I caught Kingpin sleeping behind his mirrored aviators, until he yelled out “WOOOOOOOO!!…Wait, what am I cheering for again?” after the performance was done. “You’re cheering for the amazing show in front of you!” I scorned.
Immediately after Mercedes retreated, Miss Scarlett Bleu took to the floor with her playful routine. Wooing the crowd was one of her specialties. She enjoyed taking a comedic stance in performing. I had to imagine it was hard to stay on top of your game with the foot traffic coming in and out of the diner, yet somehow these queens performed as if nothing was in their way. Skinny Pete stared in awe as he snapped away, catching the best in everyone at the show.
On the heels of an intermission, we decided to retreat outside. “This is great! I’m glad I came!” said Pete, with a large jovial laugh. Mercedes, Scarlett and Ebony were taking a break from the chaos as well, standing outside with us. Innocent passersby stared with the most peculiar and intrigued looks a person could have. A man, caught up at the sight, bumped into one of the Queens. “You alright, buddy?” asked Kingpin. The guy took a large step back and scurried off down the street. I guess it was rare to catch a queen out and about during waking hours.
Act 2 was just starting as we made our way back inside. Ebony Fierce was up to perform and man, did she live up to her name. I could barely keep up with her. At 6’3, she managed to gracefully leap and pounce from bar stool to booth with minimal effort. Pete and I waved our dollars in the air. “YEAAAAAAH GIRL!” I yelled, happy to tip for the spectacular performance.
As the show wrapped up we decided to join Kingpin in a round of coffee. The day was young, and the night still had plenty of adventure waiting for us. “A day in life of TD2BD,” I chuckled to Skinny Pete as we cheers’d to our insane lifestyles. Mercedes, Ebony and Scarlett took to the floor for one final performance. Sister Act’s rendition of ‘Ain’t no mountain high enough’ was the perfect song to close out the show. We left Teri’s Drag Brunch liquored up with full stomachs and smiles on our faces.
The bottom line:
This show isn’t for everyone, but if you’re looking for something different, a great time and bottomless brunch, you can’t find a better thing to do on a Saturday afternoon. For $25 you get unlimited mimosas, beermosas or bloody mary’s and an entrée, served up by the head chef. The food is amazing and very vegetarian friendly. The show is spectacular and the price, well, the price is unbeatable! In honor of the amazing queens that host this show, I’d sum it up as, “Ain’t no mountain high enough, to keep you from getting to Teri’s Diner Drag Brunch!”