A devilish girl in pink behind the counter flashed a smile, then coughed into her hand. “You guys in the Burn Book?” I returned a polite grin but remained suspicious of the catty things that they may have written about me. Kingpin was leaning against the wall shaking his head at us. “About time you made it, guys,” he fussed. “Just pay her and head in already! You can’t just leave me standing here alone, I’m prime rib in this place,” he then laughed.
As we slowly strolled down the hallway towards the dance floor Pete had a moment of philosophical clarity. “I felt as though I was gliding through a club, the crowd and walls moving past me in my peripherals. The smell of strobe-light lust tickled my senses and my eyes were windows to a neon soul,” he stated as we passed under an archway onto the dance floor. I understood all too well where he was coming from.
“You’re right Pete. It’s just strange sometimes how days and nights can blend into one intoxicating…..OH MY GOD. IS THAT BITCH WEARING A BUNNY OUTFIT WITH FISHNETS,” I sneered. Pete glared in her direction. “OH HELL NO, she did not! Is this the alleyway behind the Playboy Mansion?!” “Rightttt…..while you two settle that, I’m off to research some beer,” said Kingpin as he shoved passed us.
Wow, like didn’t they get our Tweet? TD2BD were the NEW Plastics and Regina, Gretchen, and Karen NEEDED to know. Whatever, first things first, we needed a drink. Pete and I made our way towards the bar where Kingpin was slinging back beers. “$3 well drinks and $1 Pabst!” he shouted over the music. Team Deejay-Lust had this down to a science, not like chemistry or biology or anything, but it was totally the perfect way to get the crowd loose and motivated.
Out on the dance floor, a rainbow of brightly colored lights pulsed and shifted back and forth as Nicki Minaj’s Starships blared over head. The room twisted itself into an excited frenzy. High pitched squeals rang out from all directions. It suddenly became a mad dash to the small circular center stage. Girls pushed and shoved one another to get the perfect dancing position.
“I’m going to dance with the bunny girl!” shouted Kingpin as he tore off toward the stage. I turned to Pete, “He doesn’t stand a chance does he.” Pete shook his head and laughed. “These boys are going to rip him apart. He’s not only out numbered, but he’s a meal ticket with a bullseye being that well dressed,” said Pete.
As the claws came out, I waited for the whirlwind of shredded fabric and screams. The girls, let alone Kingpin didn’t stand a chance. The shirtless boys attacked with the fabulous ferocity of a break dancing bulldozer. The girls giggled expecting fun and games, but it had already been brought and there was no ‘girl’ in ‘getthehelloffourstage’.
The girls took a firm claim on their territory with a casual fist pumping two step, but like a call from the wild things became savage. The boys mimicked their moves with a snarl. The girls ruthlessly teased with provocative hip shaking booty gyrations on the boys, but they were far too determined to let that work. The meanest moves came from the gentlemen; a full on expose of unbridled savage sexual crunking. It seemed everyone had the flexibility of an Olympic gymnast, throwing legs over each others heads, while grinding out sweat and anger. Kingpin backed slowly away from the stage and retreated to the bar. “We’re all going to get caught in the crossfire!” he shouted in a panic.
“By the way Kingpin, you can’t just walk up and grab the bunny like that,” I said.
“Why not?” he asked.
“It’s probably breaking some kind of straight guy in a gay club rule, man,” I added.
“Well that guy did it,” he said pointing.
“Well that guy also has his shirt tied like a bikini,” I replied.
“Point noted,” he said turning around to order another drink.
High above the crowd, DJ Deejay continued to orchestrate the battle through songs about Humps, Scrubs, and Milkshakes. He waved to the crowd with a sly grin on his face while blasting through a few ’90s hits. They crowed screamed and waved back; such popularity, such manipulation! There was just no way we could let him have all the attention.
“Look at them all up there wearing pink,” groaned Pete. The devilish brunette from the front desk had joined everyone in the DJ loft.
“They are so clueless. Pink is so totally last year; black is the new pink and PBR is our champagne,” I retorted with a hiss.
“I think I see Fame Lust across the room,” said Kingpin.
I suppose it was time for us to say hello. He had been so busy snapping perfect Facebook photos for everyone that he must have missed us; this was the only logical reason. Kingpin barreled through the crowd as Pete and I followed. Fame Lust spotted us out of the corner of his eye and waved. “Hey, thanks for making it out!” he said with a smile. Pete and Kingpin leaned against the wall like it was a proverbial row of lockers, pinning the photographer.
“You’re pretty awesome, man!” I said.
“Hey, thanks,” Fame Lust replied.
“So you do think you’re awesome?” I said with a stare.
“Uh….I don’t know…” said Fame Lust confused.
“Well we just wanted you to know, that you can hang out with us anytime. We don’t say that to just anyone!” added Pete.
Fame Lust smiled and returned to work snapping photos of the crowd.
“He’ll come around,” Kingpin said, “and once he’s with us we’ll be the coolest kids in the school!”
“We haven’t been in school in years, man,” Pete pointed out.
“Shut up! I know that!” Kingpin snapped back, turning his back to us.
As the hours passed, the party shifted gears. A second wind with an intense high-spiritedness filled the hall. Hordes of drinkers surged through the doors trying to get their pop diva fix. The room swirled with unrestricted sexual energy that was only matched by everyone’s extravagant dance moves.
Dancers raged against the night, but as closing time grew near and the music quietly drifted off, sad faces lined the room. The sweaty and exhausted party goers sultry moves were slowly replaced with a reluctant shuffling towards the door. It was the sign that this event was totally fetch.
The bottom line:
All jokes aside, this was another fantastic event. The ability to throw a party isn’t hard to accomplish, but Mean Gurls hosts Fame Lust and DJ Deejay are masters of their craft. The high energy, giant smiles, cheap drinks and slick dance moves are a testament to everything done right. Like Agnetha Faltskog who helped inspire many of the pop princesses that graced our ears that night, everyone’s collective consciousness said the same thing: “I wish tonight could last forever.”
P.S. Bunny Outfit girl. We were only kidding, don’t worry, you were adorable.
Special thanks to Fame Lust for letting us use some of his terrific work!