“Pyramid Head might be there…so screw that.” – Clutch
7:30 P.M. – JB and I received reports of the initial outbreak. The Theater of Living Arts (TLA) on South Street was the epicenter. Word was the dead had risen and taken to the streets. Civilians were encouraged to stay indoors while Emergency Medical Technicians evacuated the area. We were compelled to find out more.
7:42 P.M. – A zombie apocalypse was too good to be true. Everyone I knew prepared for a moment like this. Swords sharpened, frying pans ready, and if that didn’t work they’d beat a zombie with a park bench. We contacted friends in Philly to confirm the reports. Apparently countless zombies stumbled like drunks down the street grunting, growling and slurring. I wasn’t convinced they were the undead. This sounded like any other weekend to me. We’d have to investigate for ourselves.
8:05 P.M. – We tried to convince Clutch to come. The conversation went like this: “Pyramid Head might be there…so screw that. *click*” Meanwhile JB and I zombie-hunter suited up.
8:37 P.M. – We arrived at Penn’s landing. It was an eerie scene directly out of a movie. Trash was blowing down the street, cars were empty. We came across an old man shouting on the street corner. “SAVE YOURSELVES, THE END IS NEAR!” We informed the poor guy that we were on his side pointing at our camouflaged gear and safety glasses. He raised his hands to the sky and shouted thanks.
8:45 P.M. – I wondered if zombies could be sexy. One in a short leather dress stumbled towards us. She reared her teeth and growled. We stared her down and pointed at the camo. She backed away grinning. At least that settled that. Across the street several EMT’s were showing clear signs of infection. They were applauding a gentlemen playing a fiddle. Madness. We made haste up the street.
9:15 P.M. – Civilians were overwhelmed and confused. Many had abandoned South Street though some ate slices of pizza and watched cautiously. Poor bastards are going to become zombie chow. It was then that JB noticed a zombie eating a slice of pizza. “Hey, woah. What the hell is this?!” JB yelled at the zombie. It shrugged confused. I tapped JB on the shoulder. “That’s a vegetarian version of a zombie. Better pizza then us,” I said. He nodded and went continued on.
9:28 P.M. – We met up with some fellow zombie-hunters wielding Nerf guns, swords, and cricket bats. One had a four foot dildo they planned to use as a bat. We decided it was best to confirm and then deny this later.
9:45 P.M. – It was downright anarchy. The streets were littered with zombies, yet none of them attacked us. What we first considered to be a lost cause had quickly turned around. Through sheer luck and the unconventional power of alcohol, the zombie’s rage had been quelled. Local bars took quick advantage by putting up zombie friendly specials. Anything to make a quick buck. More to follow.
10:12 P.M. – We stopped in The Legendary Dobbs tavern to get a handle on the situation. Zombies had a great thirst but it wasn’t for blood. It was for booze. Apparently the bartenders were an invaluable asset to the zombies and thus far spared. From what we gathered, the more alcohol the zombies consumed the happier they got. We took full advantage of the zombie specials and then ventured towards the TLA to see where the outbreak began.
10:22 P.M. – The ticket girl collected $5 to enter. She smiled and told us to enjoy ourselves. I rarely trust a zombie apocalypse where we have to pay.
10:54 P.M. – Zombies surrounded the stage shoving and grunting. JB froze in his tracks and dragged me to the side. “What the hell is that, man?” I asked JB. Pyramid Head stood in the corner wielding a giant sword. “Don’t make eye contact,” said JB. It was too late. He started walking towards us. A half naked zombie chick with a demon jaw arrived on stage. She chewed on the brains of a sacrifice. The mass of zombies including Pyramid Head howled and cheered. Luck was on our side.
11:27 P.M. – Gorgeous zom-models from the Rigor Mortis Revue took to stage one at a time. They stripped down to tassels, guts and blood. If it really was the apocalypse they got one thing right; Zombie burlesque.
12:05 P.M. – We followed the masses to Fluid Night Club. The inebriated dead were docile and fun loving. We pushed our way through to the DJ and requested the one song that would put an end to an interesting night. As the song started every zombie in the bar had a look of excitement. The swaying and bouncing began…”Cause this is thriller, thriller night…..”
The Bottom Line:
The Philly Zombie Crawl is an incredible spectacle. There were at least 500 zombies that stumbled down the street. The event is incredibly organized through social networking and all the bars on South Street in Philadelphia were offering fantastic drink specials all evening. Even Fluid Night club opened their doors for free at midnight to anyone that visited the TLA.
Huge props to the Rigor Mortis Revue burlesque show. The sexy women bared almost everything while tantalizing the crowd with blood, brains, and boob. Check them out, you won’t be sorry!
Super special thanks to Redlite Photos for allowing me to re-post some of his amazing work! Check out the rest at: