The sun set behind the Philly skyline, which still held some semblance of majesty even as it was being torn apart by Kaiju Big Battel’s D.W. Cycloptopuss III and Gambling Bug. I dare say it’s a bit of an improvement; never really understood the roads in this town.
Wait, on second thought, city-wide destruction is a bad thing. Yup, definitely a bad thing. People could get hurt, bars smashed, precious life blood PBR spilled! Who could save us from the mass destruction?
Who would save us? What champion of justice would stand between the good people of Philadelphia and these renegade kaiju? Normally, I would have , but my Hero’s License totally expired a scant three days ago. I really need to renew that thing…
Enter Hayley Jane and Miss Liberty Rose (the lovely ladies of Broad Street Burlesque), and D20 Burlesque‘s own irradiant Iris Explosion. Along with “Snake Style Lucha Libre” master Ophidian the Cobra, strongman Titano Omega, and miscreant MC Louden Noxious, they alone stood against the threat. They were a sentai team in their own respect.
A quick lesson from Ozaku: Sentai is a type of live action show under the umbrella term “Tokusatsu” (toe-koo-sot-a-soo), which roughly means “special filming”. The usage of teen karate squads with attitude in spandex and helmets started in 1975. This genre later made its way to the U.S. under the name “Power Rangers”, which many of you might be more familiar with.
Getting to the Super Sentai Striptease Show was no easy feat. Fellow TD2BD member Zamzuki and I braved a Godzilla-sized polar vortex to find the secret base, PhilaMOCA. Upon entrance, classic tokusatsu projected on the screen behind the stage. Each show had inspired generations of heroes to come.
The venue quickly filled to capacity with fans of burlesque, tokusatsu, and Kaiju Big Battel. The air was alive with the combined power of nostalgia and the promise of promiscuity most tantalizing. The night’s master of ceremonies was Louden Noxious. He strapped on a guitar and sang heartily of giant robots and monsters to get the crowd fired up. The alluring beauty Asha Love served as ticket girl for the Rafflemania raffle. Kaiju slave labor (courtesy of Cycloptopuss) made sure the area was clear of delicate debris between performances, whilst creating a bit of his own by smashing cardboard replicas of buildings set up around the stage.
Iris Explosion hit the stage first, in the guise of the most famous magical girl, Sailor Moon. Incorporating classic burlesque moves with poses straight from the anime, her insightful routine paid homage to Sailor Moon’s clumsy nature while keeping an adult-oriented performance. Her idea to do a reverse Sailor Moon transformation, ending in the cosmic ribbons that usually signify the beginning of her power up was nothing short of phenomenal. I understand now why she is known as Iris Explosion. A lesser man’s eyeballs would have ruptured from the sheer amount of awesome-ocity.
Next came Hayley Jane, dressed in a slinky black negligee and Kamen Rider luchador-esque mask. She slunk about the stage to the opening of the first Kamen Rider’s theme song, throwing appropriate punches and kicks in time with the song. Her performance certainly rider-kicked this fanboy’s little heart out of the stratosphere and made it burst into dust.
Miss Liberty Rose (as Ultraman) was called forth to defeat a misbehaving Cycloptopuss. She was able to subdue the beast with her feminine wiles. He took quite the beating before getting slammed into the stage below. With Cycloptopuss out of commission, it was time for Gambling Bug to pick up the slack.
Intermission. Time for a beer while the Kaiju Big Battle footage reel burned on the screen.
Now a little something for the ladies. Mysterious masked marauder Ophidian the Cobra elicited more than a few hoots and hollers with a striptease that began with a Hulkamania shirt and ended in a g-string.
Titano Omega showed his true strength by selecting an arch nemesis from that audience (one Mr. La Rouge the Lacerator) to help hold a gong that the mighty Titano Omega rang by a using a ball and suspended from his nose. He then had La Rouge select seven other audience members (yours truly included) to participate in a tug-o-war, with his own body as the center of force. It was truly a dazzling feat of the pure strength of a tattooed superhuman crime fighter.
It was time for another tokusatsu legend to make her way to the stage. Miss Liberty Rose as the villain Kilokahn, who you may remember from Superhuman Samurai Syber-Squad. Though I cannot be certain if any killer viruses were unleashed onto the internet, I can be certain that she captivated all of us fleshy things in a seductive trance.
In an act that brought down the house, Hayley Jane once again made her way to the stage, this time dressed in a sequined gown version of Mighty Morphing Power Rangers’ Green Ranger. “It’s Morphin’ time!” she cried as the opening riff to our collective childhoods began. The crowd instantly went wild, spellbound by the swivel of her hips, and we all sang along to the Power Rangers’ theme song. The surprise twist ending of the event was a stroke of genius. As each article of clothing was removed, Hayley Jane revealed a White Ranger lingerie costume hidden beneath. Its simplicity was sheer elegance.
The entire cast of the night’s event joined together on stay to the crowd’s roar of applause. And, just to make sure the evening ended on a high note, Ophidian the Cobra ripped off his pants.
The bottom line:
I encourage anyone to watch for the next event by Broad Street Burlesque. If what you’re looking for is unbridled entertainment in a sexy, yet organic atmosphere, they will not disappoint. Once again, the day is saved, thanks to the fine folks who made the Super Sentai Strip Show a success.