You just found Zero’s Get Right Program. THE post break up madness, single mingle deterrent.
So allow myself, to introduce, myself.
I am Zero Lives, YOUR get right guide to bouncing back into the grind.
Do you have a case of the post break up blues?
Do you keep seeing the same old people?
Maybe you’re tired of running the online dating delusion?
Ladies, with this program you’re guaranteed to stomp the blues, sweat the shakes, and with a little help, you might even land that man you deserve. It could be a fist pumping bro, the effeminate hipster, or even that Amazonian girl you’ve had your eye on. It’s all out there, and with my 5 week program, it can all be yours. So let’s begin…
Week 1. Drop it to the floor, it’s time to sweat. The Barbary – Tigerbeats [Every Monday]
It’s time to shed a few pounds, so let’s jump right into Philly’s best kept sweaty dance party secret. You’ve been to the same old clubs and heard all the same mixes, but The Barbary offers their own version of Sweating to the Oldies upstairs and Hipster Aerobics downstairs. And remember ladies, give those glutes a good workout! Upstairs, drop it low. Downstairs, throw ‘em high.
It’s a judgement free workout zone, where your finest two step Charlie Brown dance moves will get a person pumping. And don’t forget while you’re strutting you’re stuff, resident photographer Fame Lust will be on site. He’ll make it a paparazzi sweat drenched workout delight. So girls get those arm’s flailing; one and two and three and floor. Get those cheap drinks right in…
Week 2. Break it down across town with the Center City Shuffle. Raven Lounge.
Keep that pulse pounding and get that pinky extended. It time to add a dash of class and shake that ass. Burst through the door, and get those cheap drinks flowing, because it’s time for bumping, grinding, and the stripper pole. With a live DJ and every club hit you’ve ever heard, you’re ready to show off your new finely tuned single body. And remember, if you’re still feeling the blues, a girl’s brain can be just as sexy. So get it girl; Jenga, Dominos and Connect Four are available in the back.
Week 3. Catch a breath of fresh air just over there. Morgan’s Pier.
Damn girl, how we feeling now? Step up, step out; it’s time for the great outdoors. Gear should include your finest booty dress for the open air tents of Morgan’s Pier. Each night offers a different bump to keep you up, but all you need is a little bit. Ready for a bro complete with button up? Just get your hip swing on and you too can land a future businessman of America.
Keep in mind, the view on the Delaware might not be stunning, but cheap drinks pave the way for half decent conversations and wholehearted romantic sparks. After all, who doesn’t look good with their hair blowing in the wind while they dance to some house music? Make it work!
Hold up! HOLD UP!
Zero, Imma let you finish, but give me a minute here.
You’re writing a relationship article without asking good old JB for THE BEST lady advice of all time?
JB’s Week 4. Get to the kissing and touching. Finnigan’s Wake.
Alright ladies, you’ve had your cardio practice. Let’s make it count. Head on over to Finnigan’s Wake for a cover band booze soaked adventure. Hit the dance floor front and center. It’s time to take those other girls to dance class, so they know you mean business. We’re talking grinding, bottom dropping, ass clapping hustling. You know the stuff. Just don’t embarrass yourself by spilling that entire vodka and cranberry on the dance floor. The Eurotrash have a sixth sense for sloppy drunks and they’ll flock your way. But think about it. The place is Irish sounding, and we all know ladies can’t resist a good accent. You could find the foreign man of your dreams. I know because I’ve faked that accent too often with a 100% success rate. -JB
Week 5. Make the move, because here comes the one. McFadden’s 3rd Street.
You know what? McFadden’s is right down the street; minutes away. We’re talking a full out sprint straight to Third Street. Let’s get some use out of that dress and heels that you masterfully picked out. You know the one, just enough leg to show the whole club love.
McFadden’s has about five guys to every one girl. It’s like shooting fish in a barrel for the all new you. Walk in and start a bounce to make them all lose control. The DJ has you covered pumping out hits you nearly forgot. Just be sure to hit the back bar, order a drink, then look around. It was all worth it. You’ll find me sitting in a booth with the guys. Come over and say hi. You won’t regret it. -JB
The bottom line:
Just remember these simple rules: Shuffle on the floor, hop in the mix, pound back a few drinks and give him a little kiss. With Zero’s Get Right Program you too can throw your worries to the wall.